Adulting

The Challenge of "Adulting": Mental Health, Neurodiversity, and Finding Your Way

Adulting

Understanding the Phenomenon

The concept of adulting has gained popularity over the last few years and is usually connected to the process of learning and taking on practical responsibilities that are involved in being an independent adult. Think of it as the collection of skills your parents or caregivers might have handled for you growing up: managing finances, maintaining a household, navigating healthcare systems, building professional relationships, and making complex life decisions.

The most interesting thing about this idea is that adulting suggests that not everyone is born with these skills, although society expects them to be. When one claims that they are struggling with adulting, they are usually referring to the fact that the process of becoming fully independent seems too much or that some of the adult obligations seem to be too hard to learn.

The Mental Health Landscape

Inability to adult is usually an indication of executive functioning, emotional regulation, and stress management issues in the mind. Executive functioning is the cognitive skill that entails the ability of working memory, flexible thinking and self-control. These are the tools we use to help us when we study, work and lead our daily lives.

When someone struggles with adulting, they might be experiencing what psychologists call "executive dysfunction." This can manifest as chronic procrastination on important tasks, difficulty organising and prioritising responsibilities, trouble following through on commitments, or feeling constantly overwhelmed by seemingly manageable situations. The psychological repercussions of regularly feeling as though you are failing at doing simple adult tasks are shame, anxiety, depression, and a feeling of inadequacy.

Think of the following typical situation: a young adult is aware that they must book a doctor's appointment, pay their bills, and clean their apartment, but every task feels impossible. They can end up spending hours on social media, then feel bad about themselves because they are being lazy, which causes them to avoid future tasks, which in turn makes it even harder to get them done.

The Neurodiversity Connection

The connection between adulting difficulties and neurodiversity is profound and often overlooked. Neurodiversity refers to the natural variation in how human brains work, encompassing conditions like ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, dyslexia, and other neurological differences that affect how people process information and interact with the world.

For neurodivergent individuals, many traditional "adulting" approaches simply weren't designed with their brains in mind. Someone with ADHD might struggle with time management and organisation, not because they lack motivation, but because their brain processes time and priorities differently. An autistic person might find networking events or phone calls extremely draining, making certain professional tasks feel nearly impossible despite their competence in other areas.

The issue is further complicated by the fact that many neurodivergent adults were not diagnosed as children and therefore grew up thinking that their inability to cope with some tasks was a sign of their personal inadequacy and that they needed to work harder to overcome them. They might have developed elaborate masking behaviours to appear "normal," which can be exhausting and ultimately unsustainable in adult life.

Think of it this way: if someone who needs glasses spends years squinting at the blackboard and falling behind in school, they might conclude they're not smart enough to succeed. Once they get glasses, suddenly everything becomes clear. Likewise, when neurodivergent adults are informed about their neurological peculiarities and acquire relevant coping mechanisms, most tasks that they could not do before become accessible.

Recognising the Signs

Understanding when someone is genuinely struggling with adulting versus simply learning new skills is crucial for providing appropriate support. Persistent patterns tend to be more significant than occasional difficulties that everyone experiences when facing new responsibilities.

Chronic procrastination on essential tasks often signals deeper struggles, especially when accompanied by intense anxiety or shame about the procrastination itself. Someone might consistently delay paying bills not out of carelessness, but because the task triggers overwhelming feelings that make it genuinely difficult to approach.

Difficulty with time management and organisation frequently appears as constantly running late, missing deadlines despite good intentions, or feeling like there's never enough time even for basic self-care. This might manifest as someone who excels at work but can't seem to keep their living space organised, or who remembers every detail about their hobbies but forgets to schedule medical appointments.

Emotional dysregulation around daily stressors is another important indicator. While everyone feels overwhelmed sometimes, persistent patterns of extreme emotional reactions to routine challenges, difficulty recovering from setbacks, or feeling constantly "behind" in life despite reasonable efforts suggest something more than typical adjustment difficulties.

Social and relationship challenges often emerge as difficulty maintaining friendships, trouble with workplace dynamics, or feeling like they're constantly misunderstanding social expectations. This might look like someone who's incredibly thoughtful in one-on-one conversations but struggles in group settings, or who has deep expertise in their field but can't navigate office politics.

Approaches and Strategies for Support

Helping someone develop better adulting skills requires understanding that one-size-fits-all solutions rarely work. The most effective approaches start with recognising individual strengths and challenges, then building systems that work with, rather than against, someone's natural tendencies.

External structure can be remarkably useful to the person with executive functioning problems. This could be in the form of calendar applications with multiple reminders, automatic payment of bills or creation of regular routines that will minimise the number of decisions that need to be made on a daily basis. It is all about locating systems that are not restrictive but supportive.

When it comes to large tasks, it is always easy to divide them into smaller, manageable tasks so that the huge responsibility does not seem so daunting. Instead of doing housework, the task turns into washing dishes for 10 minutes or tidying up a drawer. This is a way of recognising that the hardest part is the beginning, and once you start, you gain momentum.

It is important to address the emotional and mental health fundamentals due to the fact that anxiety, depression, or trauma can make even the simplest tasks seem unattainable. Professional treatment, particularly approaches such as psychotherapy, cognitive-behavioural treatment or ADHD coaching, can not only aid in providing practical advice on the matter but also provide emotional support in gaining confidence in adult roles.

Building self-compassion and challenging perfectionism often proves transformative. Many people struggling with adulting have internalised harsh self-criticism that makes every mistake feel catastrophic. Learning to treat yourself with the same kindness you'd show a good friend creates space for learning and growth rather than paralysis from fear of failure.

For neurodivergent individuals specifically, accommodations and adaptations become essential. This might mean using noise-cancelling headphones during phone calls for someone with sensory processing differences, or finding alternatives to traditional networking for someone who struggles with small talk but excels at one-on-one professional relationships.

Moving Forward with Understanding

The struggle of adulting highlights an even bigger problem of how our society contributes to the development of life skills in people. By reframing these problems as mental health and neurodiversity, it is possible to find better and more humane solutions to them instead of focusing on them as an individual failing.

The goal isn't to make everyone fit the same mould of adulthood, but to help each person develop systems and strategies that allow them to live independently and meaningfully according to their own values and capabilities. This might look different for different people, and that's not only okay—it's necessary for creating a society where everyone can thrive.

Remember that developing adult life skills is genuinely challenging work that continues throughout life. The people who make it look effortless often have either learned effective systems through trial and error, have natural strengths in areas like organisation and time management, or have support systems that aren't always visible. Recognising adulting as a learnable set of skills rather than an innate ability creates space for growth, self-compassion, and the development of personalised strategies that actually work.